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    little lovely images 5:20
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    in these pockets of quiet 8:05
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    in these pockets of quiet

    Nathaniel Parks, Colin Crandal, and Claire Hebeisen

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but sometimes I worry (2023)

Instrumentation
SSAATTBB and String Quartet

Duration
22'30"

Premiere
Bergamot Quartet, Mira Fu-En Huang, Nicole Stover, Shauna Kreidler Michels, Claire Galloway Weber, Cameron Falby, Joshua Bornfield, Michael Manganiello, and Richard Bell (November 11, 2023)

Program Note
The text for this piece comes from a podcast by writer, Ross Sutherland, called “Imaginary Advice.” I first encountered “Imaginary Advice” during the long treks between Baltimore and my parent’s house in North Carolina. I was immediately enthralled by the wit of his stories and the thoughtful way he spoke about art. While I have a deep love for the whole podcast, the episode “Repeat After Me” has captured my imagination since my first listen and serves as the foundation of this work.

This episode is a survey of repetitive artforms. In it, Ross discusses minimalist music, palindromic poetry, Camus’s “The Myth of Sisyphus,” the “Speech to Song Illusion” discovered by Diana Deutsch in the 90’s, and a myriad of other ways repetition appears in both life and art. What makes “Repeat After Me” especially striking is that Ross filters all these thoughts on repetition through the lens of being worried he’s telling his partner “I love you” too often; that by repeating “I love you,” he will cause those words to become empty, hollow.

And haven’t we all experienced this feeling? Saying a word so many times, it loses its meaning. Repeating something over and over until it becomes a dull hum, an echo. It’s all too easy to view repetition as a destructive force; a way to erode the value of a thing. What Ross concludes however, and what ultimately inspired me to write this piece, is that repetition doesn’t strip language of meaning. Instead, by repeating the phrase, “I love you” it is transformed into something greater. By repeating, “I love you,” those words have now become song.

Selections from “Repeat After Me” by Ross Sutherland
I love you
I love you

But sometimes I worry that I say it too much
I say it when we end a phone call
I say it when we watch the news together
I say it when I feel sad and want to feel better
I say it because of the tiniest pause in our conversation
Immediately those words appear
I can feel them changing shape
Getting smoother
Lighter

Is this a sign of things to come?

Repetition changes things

The first time I told her I loved her
We were walking along a canal together
It was winter
Our hands clasped together in my jacket pocket for warmth
We kissed under the orange glow of the street light
Preserving us like amber
I told her that I loved her
Those words felt like lightning

Things change repetition

Maybe some things need to be weakened
If every time I said, “I love you”
It felt as powerful as the first
I’d never leave the house
Perhaps those words need to be diluted
Just a little

I’m afraid of saying “I love you” too many times
Of turning into an echo
Like a photocopier running low on ink
That repetition is a sign of weakness
Instead of strength

Perhaps, instead
I can start to think of those words becoming music
it has migrated to a different sphere
Those words have now become song

Watch

Score

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but sometimes I worry Perusal

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